2004-11-15 - 9:34 p.m.
I skipped lunch today. My stomach didn�t move, despite the waining hours, so I sat at my desk, tapping away at wbsites listing gargantuan mounds of useless knowledge for me to absorb and burrow into my soul. Something, despite the cat calling surrounding my head, lead me astray of the waiting cup of chicken noodle soup and two dollar burger that gets served up without me saying a word at my little caf�. I could not imagine ingesting the buckets of grease that float, obeying the tides, above the cheese on the local pizza, nor did I care for the Hale or Hearty soups around the corner. The nearby snack machine dished my sustinence in Cheeze-its and Nutra-grain bars. Regrettably, just behind that last bit of blueberry were Goobers, a snack that so often replaces popcorn in the theater as it calms me so. Today, I thought to spend the day in my apartment, quietly stewing beside my Blockbuster selections, with the rare possibility that I would care for and caress my keyboard into the construction of some narrative beauty. So live the dreams of the procrastinator, hoping the spirits will take him up into their arms and deliver him into beauty by no other force than their own will. Will thoughts slowly drifting down the sticky confines of my throat into my belly, it churned and growled, over flowed with things indigestable in tandem. Each course perfectly passable, but together the stem rolls and boils, stewing a mash of thought, memory and feeling that sits sinking into the walls around it, clogging the works and drowning the sanity pleading beside my esophagus. My train of conciousness begs for a pause at the station of sanity, but keeps roaring past, rendering me as speechless and befuddled as it had on the last lap. What I want more than anything is to step back into the lens of the bemused observer, throwing spit balls across the block while pretending to be engrossed in the crossword of the times, but there is nothing in me today, nothing, that will allow that. Even a day spent standing, teasing chuckles from unwilling mouths will not change the tides which seem to flow inevitably into one sucking spiral. Tonight, my couch will call, along with my cider, and my flavor blasted goldfish. (Truly a gift of the allmighty is the extreme taste of Xtreme Cheddar.) Laughter isn�t beyond me, neither is its call, but at this moment, what I want is to scream the last shreds of my sanity into an unwashed pillowcase, and hope that this will prove cathardic.
2 Letters to the Editor
previous - next
|