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2004-05-03 - 12:31 a.m.

"You're really hot."

"Thank you."

"You're really hot and you don't even know it."

"I guess..."

"You're really hot cuase you're such a nerd."


"You're SUCH a nerd!...but you're hot."

These are actual words I stood onteh butt end of last night. Staring down the barrel of newly fiannceed woman, adorned in a multicolored vail one would have confused for an aids flag or possibly Joeseph's Technicolor dream wig, fumes from at least thirty thousand shots of tequila rolled off this woman's tongue as she slurred...

"Can I get some tongue?"


"Tongue. I need some tongue. I'm getting married."

"I wasn't expecting that combination."

At this point her friend, who I'm sure in daylight, on any other day would have seemed like an angelic convent girl, now had the demenor and tact of a drug dealer, bounded over her shoulder.

"Are you single?"

"I suppose."

"Then give this woman tongue."

The Bride-to-be then puckered up, making a face I don't believe anything other than goldfish have ever been on the recieving end of. (ooh I ended a sentence with a preposition...I'm now the pretentious bad boy!)

"If she's getting married..."

I pecked back.

"...that's all she getting."

The friend half-grinned with either suprise or dissapointment...

"You're a gentleman, sir. A gentleman."

It was the second one that seemed to land the sarcasm.

I wished her well, complimented the rock I asked to see in a rather swishy manner, and sent her on her way, her friend now moving occupations from pimp to crutch.

This particular behavior is not something I'm foriegn to, in fact in my college days, the bachlorette party was a near weekly sight in the local bars: Six girls dressed to the nines, all sipping beer from penis shaped straws, daring their friend into the exact behavior they would have disparaged the previous weekend.

Somehow, this relieves any guilt I've ever felt for any bachelor party I've ever attended. It almost seems more innocent.

Six guys pay for a attractive woman to undress and then tease the crap out of the man of honor. The attendees in the court usually get more debaucherous than those drving at high speeds towards wedlock.

In all honesty, it's one last prank to pull on the guy.

"Look at all you're gonna be missing."

Funny how not one has changed his mind.

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